I’m just in such a blah place. I just… don’t understand Jeff. I love him, I’m in love with him. He says he loves me, but he doesn’t think he’s in love with me. We hug, we cuddle, we support each other, we take care of each other, we hang out, we laugh, we make plans, any time not spent together is usually time spent alone or with family, we talk about getting apartments together, houses together, cars together. We talk about the future like its an inevitability, not just random ideas. We talk about working toward goals together. We’re pretty much everything a couple should be except… calling ourselves a couple. He wants us to spend the rest of our lives together, but he doesn’t want to call me his girlfriend?
I just… don’t get it. I don’t understand how we can have all that, but I’m still not good enough to be a girlfriend.
It makes me feel… bad. It makes me feel useless, or stupid, or ugly.
Well… maybe not ugly. The one thing that does stay consistent is that he finds me sexy and pretty. I don’t know how, because when I look at myself, I see fat fat and more fat, and poor skin, and a beard, and just all around ugliness. But he doesn’t seem to think that. He still thinks I’m attractive, and for more than just looks. He calls me sexy for being intelligent or doing something I need to do.
But still. I don’t know why after 8 months, and everything we do that’s so very coupley, after we stopped correcting people when they assume we’re dating… why won’t he just… give us the label?
